Good Grades and a Good Nights Sleep

Sleep Impacts School Success

For students everywhere, saying goodbye to summer break means also saying goodbye to their summer sleep schedule of staying up late and snoozing until lunchtime. For tweens and teens, this transition is especially challenging. Their body clocks are programmed to stay up later and sleep in later. And while it may be a struggle, sleep is an essential element for school success.

How much is enough? According to the National Sleep Foundation, the updated recommended range for school-age children (ages 6 – 13) is 9-11 hours of sleep; and teens (ages 14-17) are said to need 8-10 hours of sleep.

For many families, these numbers may seem unrealistic, given their

child’s school, work and extra-curricular activities schedule. Try

motivating your child to improve his/her sleep habits with this list of

sleep benefits – it just may catch their attention.

Getting the recommended amount of ZZZ’s can:

Improve Memory: Whether you’re studying for a math test or trying

to memorize the steps to a new dance routine, you practice it over

and over. But learning does not end when the lights go out. Your mind is surprisingly active during a good night’s sleep. It works to absorb those math strategies or dance moves and strengthens your ability to remember them when you awake.

Spur Creativity: If you’re having trouble coming up with a creative idea, experts say, “Sleep on it.” During a quality night’s snooze, the brain reorganizes and restructures your memory, aiding in creativity.

Sharpen Attention: Sleep deprivation affects adults and youth

differently. While lack of sleep may cause mom and dad to feel sleepy, it can result in ADHD-like symptoms for youth (aka: slap-happy). Getting the needed amount of sleep helps a student to sit still and focus their attention in school.

Improve Athletic Performance: Yes, games are won on the practice

field. But in addition to practice and hard work, a key factor in improving athletic performance is SLEEP! A Stanford University study found that college football players who tried to sleep at least 10 hours a night over a seven to eight week period, improved their average sprint time, had less daytime fatigue and increased stamina.

Improve Your Mood: Insufficient sleep can leave a person feeling

irritable, anxious, short-tempered, depressed, stressed and/or mentally exhausted. No one wants to feel this way or be around someone who acts this way. On the other hand, a good night’s sleep increases your chances of getting up on, “the right side of the bed.”

Help Control Your Appetite: Sleep and metabolism are controlled

by the same part of the brain. Sleep deprived fatigue can trigger an

increase of hormones in your blood – the same ones that drive appetite.

Sleep is food for the brain, and when our children’s minds are not

properly fed with the sleep they need, they may suffer academically,

mentally, emotionally and/or physically. While it is not always easy

for youth to achieve the nightly recommended hours of sleep, it is

imperative, as their parents and caregivers, that we help them get as

close to it as possible, as many nights as possible.

For tips on achieving healthy sleep, visit: http://sleepfoundation.org/

sleep-tools-tips/healthy-sleep-tips.

Sources: Active Kids: Back to School: Why Your Kids Need Their

Sleep. Health: 11 Surprising Health Benefits of Sleep. National Sleep

Foundation: How much sleep do we really need?

Freedom and Teenagers

The official Fourth of July holiday may have come and gone, but for those of us with tweens/teens, talk of independence and freedom continues on.

It is normal and healthy for adolescents to seek increased independence as they grow and develop. It is also normal for parents to have a hard time letting go. Naturally, we worry about our children’s health and safety and quite frankly, their ability to make good decisions. However, in order for our children to become mature, responsible, self-disciplined young people, we must loosen the reigns and allow them to make some decisions on their own, mistakes and all.

With that said, your freedom-seeking adolescent still needs your parental influence and the stability you provide. It is when parents allow more freedom than a child is ready to handle, or permit the wrong kind of freedom, that problems occur. Difficulties also arise when parents cling too tightly, not allowing children the freedom they need. Research tells us that children do best when they remain closely connected with their parents, yet are free to express their own thoughts and opinions.

The challenge for parents is in figuring out the right amount of freedom to give and when to give it.

Consider these tips in helping with that challenge:

Grant Independence in Stages: While age is important in deciding when and how much freedom to give, maturity and past performance are also key factors. Start small, permitting your child to make some decisions that don’t entail major consequences. If done well, you may choose to increase your son or daughter’s freedom a bit further. Regardless, you will gain a better sense of your child’s maturity level and his/her decision-making skills.

Set Clear Limits: Limits actually make children feel loved and more secure. They need and want to know what behavior is expected of them, especially as they are given additional freedoms. You don’t want your child to assume that increased freedom on one thing necessarily means increased freedom on something else. Therefore, boundaries must be set and clearly known by your child.

Give Reasonable Choices: Choices make youth more open to guidance. For instance, instead of just saying, “No, you can’t go to the party,” include some options like, “You can’t go the party, but you can have some friends over or I can drop you and some friends off at the movies.”

Guide Their Thinking: Adolescents are more responsive when they feel you are trying to guide, not control them. Engage your child in conversation, listen carefully, and then ask questions to get your child thinking about the potential outcomes of his/her actions.

Mistakes and Consequences Should Be Embraced: Making mistakes and experiencing the consequences that go along with them can serve as the best learning tool of all for our children – so long as the stakes aren’t too high and their health and safety aren’t at risk. Teach your child how to step back, examine what may have gone wrong and encourage them to think about how different choices may have led to a more positive outcome. We must resist the temptation to make excuses for our children’s poor choices or bail them out of difficult situations so that they may avoid the negative consequences. Children need to learn that every choice has a consequence, for better or worse, and they must be held accountable for their actions.

We must accept our children’s desire and need for increased independence and freedom while still providing guidance and support. In doing so, we provide our adolescents the opportunity they need to learn from their mistakes, take personal responsibility for their actions and grow in both maturity and self-discipline.

Sources: Education.com: Freedom and Limits for Teens. Pam Lehman — Community Action Network, Feb. 2011. U.S. Department of Education: Independence – Helping Your Child Through Early Adolescence. 

Prescription Drugs Leading By Example

Why focus on prescription drugs? Research shows that more deaths are now occurring each year from accidental drug overdose than from car accidents. Someone in the US dies EVERY 15 MINUTES from an accidental overdose. And nearly half of the drug overdose deaths are due to prescription drugs.  Parents are powerful influencers when it comes to our children’s attitudes and behaviors regarding alcohol, tobacco and the use of other drugs. Having ongoing conversations and sharing information on the dangers of substance use/abuse with our children is fundamental. It is also vitally important to make clear our expectations for them not to drink underage, smoke or use drugs. But it is not just what we say that matters. It is also what we DO. The behavioral choices our children see us make has the greatest impact on the lifestyle choices they make surrounding substances. When it comes to the use of prescription drugs, what are your children learning from you? Do you role model respect for prescription drugs by locking up and monitoring your medicines, as encouraged by experts? Do you properly dispose of unused and unwanted medications? Have you made it clear, by example, that sharing prescription medications with others is dangerous and not okay? If so, you are doing an incredible job, and we encourage you to keep up the great work! If not, it is important to remember that while prescription drugs have the ability to improve and save lives, they also have the potential to harm, and that they can be fatal if used improperly or by an unintended person. Role modeling the above behavioral choices are key in promoting family wellness and teaching our children respect for potentially harmful medications. Another way to RESPECT the Rx is to ask your health care provider or pharmacist specific questions about your prescription medications, in order to avoid unintended harmful effects. The Ohio State University College of Pharmacy came up with the acronymRESPECT, as a way to help you remember those questions: R.  Reason: Why is this medication being prescribed for me? E.  Explain Usage: Should I take this medication regularly or as needed? What      restrictions are there with food/alcohol/other medications? S.  Symptoms: When is it appropriate for me to take this medication (e.g., on a scale of      1-10 for pain severity)? P.  Practitioners: Inform your doctor if you are seeing other healthcare providers and      which pharmacy you use (you should only use one pharmacy) E.  Expected Effects: What effects can I expect from taking this medication? What      precautions do I need to take while driving, operating machinery, etc.? C.  Concerns with Controlled Substances: Is there addiction potential with my      medication? T.  Time to Stop: When and how should I stop taking my medication? How should I      store and dispose of it when I am done? If the opportunity is there, take your son or daughter with you to your next doctor’s appointment, allowing him/her to observe you using this guide. If your child is prescribed a medication, similar questions should also be asked during his/her doctor visit. You and your child will not only obtain the detailed information you need, but the importance of RESPECTing the Rx will be reinforced. One of the most powerful skills youth possess is their ability to observe. One of the most powerful opportunities we, as parents possess, is our opportunity to positively influence our children who are paying close attention to our lifestyle choices. Click here for a printable version of the RESPECT the Rx Guide. For more information about prescription medication safety, please visithttp://pharmacy.osu.edu/outreach/generation-rx-initiative. Source: The Ohio State University College of Pharmacy: Generation Rx – RESPECT the Rx.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: Prescription Drug Overdose in the United States: Fact Sheet

Why do Teens Use Drugs?

arindambanerjee/Shutterstock

TIP: Parents and caregivers have the opportunity to guide their teen in making positive decisions about drug and alcohol use. Talk to your kids about drugs.

The teen years are often a time to explore and learn more about themselves as they approach adulthood. Often, this involves experimenting and testing their boundaries. The desire to do something new or risky is a normal part of teen development.
Teens who perceive little risk in using drugs are more likely to use drugs. Teens may also use drugs or alcohol to:

• Relieve boredom
• Feel good
• Forget their troubles and relax
• Satisfy their curiosity
• Ease their pain
• Feel grown up
• Show their independence
• Belong to a specific group

What are the Risk Factors and Protective Factors for Drug Use?
Many factors influence a child’s likelihood to use illegal substances or develop a substance abuse disorder. Effective drug prevention focuses on reducing the risk factors and strengthening the protective factors that are most closely related to substance abuse.

Risk factors are circumstances or events that increase a child’s use and abuse of drugs. The more risk factors present, the more likely a child may be to use drugs and develop problems. Risk factors for drug use include:

• Low grades or failure in school
• Victim of bullying or cyberbullying
• Low self esteem
• Permissive parenting
• Parent or older sibling drug/alcohol use
• Living in a community with a high tolerance for smoking, drinking, or drug use among youth
• Attending a school without strict rules for tobacco, alcohol, or drugs and inconsistent enforcement for breaking those rules
• Belief that there is little risk in using a drug.

Protective Factors
Protective factors are those characteristics that can reduce a person’s risk for substance abuse or addiction. Protective factors that may decrease the risk of drug use include:

• Strong bond with a parent or caregiver
• High self esteem
• Parent or caregiver who talks regularly with their child about drugs
• Active in faith-based organizations, school, athletic, or community activities
• Spending time around positive role models
• Living in a community that offers youths activities where drugs and alcohol are not tolerated
• Attending a school with an effective alcohol and drug education program and a non-tolerance policy for alcohol and drugs
• Belief that using drugs may be harmful or risky

As a parent you can control many of the risk and protective factors in your home. Remember that parents and caregivers are the most important role models in children’s lives. For more information see Growing up Drug Free: A Parent’s Guide to Prevention

Source: O’Connell, M.E., Boat, T., & Warner, K.E. (Eds.). (2009) Preventing mental, emotional, and behavioral disorders among young people: Progress and possibilities. National Research Council and Institute of Medicine of the National Academies. Washington, D.C.: The National Academies Press. Last Updated: Saturday, January 24, 2015

Friends

Friendships are vital to a person’s well-being, especially during the teenage years when key developmental changes are taking place. Friendships can help children grow morally and emotionally. They learn how to communicate, cooperate and solve problems in relationships, which will benefit them throughout life. Research shows that friendships can also help youth avoid delinquency, isolation and other negative characteristics that are many times associated with the teenage years.

There are several important factors here however. First, when we say “friends,” we’re not talking about the hundreds of “connections” our children have online or something that can occur with the mere acceptance of a “friend request.” We are talking about real-life relationships that require both time and effort. Second, we are talking healthy, positive relationships. Too often, children desire to be friends with a peer based on superficial reasons like popularity or wealth (he/she has a giant house, expensive clothes and all the cool gadgets). Friendships based solely on these factors are not likely to last, and may end painfully. The third factor to keep in mind is that the influence and impact of young friendships are powerful – for better or worse. It should not be about the number of friends our children have, but the quality of the friendships. Children must be able to recognize quality friendships, how they look and how they should feel.

While there is no official check-list in determining quality relationships, here are some common traits among tried and true friendships.

(Parent to child) “When you can say the other person…

• Is fun to be around, makes you smile and laughs with you
• Is adaptable and doesn’t always have to have his/her way
• Is kind and has respect for you
• Is trustworthy with your secrets big and small
• Is honest with you, even when it is not what you want to hear
• Is loyal and dependable
• Listens attentively and cares about what you have to say
• Accepts you for who you are, even when you’re not at your best
• Is happy for you when you reach your goal and is a shoulder to cry on when you don’t
• Is supportive of you and has your best interest in mind
• Does not ask you to compromise your morals or values
• Does not put you in harm’s way or encourage you to engage in risky behaviors
• Does not put you down (to your face or behind your back) or purposely hurt your feelings

                                                                             …then you have a real friend.”

Remind your son or daughter that maintaining a friendship means being a good friend in return.

During the tween/teen years, our children are likely to prefer spending time with their friends over us. Instead of taking it personally, use it as an opportunity to get to know your children’s friends and see firsthand how they interact together. Allow your children to include friends in a family outing or invite them to dinner. Afterwards, make it a point to chat with your son or daughter about what you saw, whether it was positive or negative. Believe it or not, our parental influence remains strong and our opinion still matters. Be sure to keep the conversation going by talking regularly with your children about healthy relationships, reminding them that real friends are uplifting and encouraging, and make them feel good about themselves. At this point it is up to our children to pick their friends, but it is up to us to continue to empower them to choose those friends wisely.

Sources: ReachOut.com: What makes a good friend?  Millie Ferrer and Anne Fugate – Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences (IFAS) University of Florida: The Importance of Friendship for School-Age Children

Parents Making A Difference

Without question, Talking With Your Children is extremely important in our efforts to protect our kids from alcohol and drugs.  But there are other things that we need to do as parents to be effectively involved in preventing alcohol and drug problems for our kids and in our families.

Before we review our Ten Tips for Parents, there are two important points to be aware of:

1. Why is there so much focus on keeping kids alcohol and drug free?

Recent scientific research has found that the longer an individual postpones the onset (first use) of alcohol, tobacco or other drug use, the less likely the individual is to develop an addiction or other lifelong problems, including depression.

2. The Power of Parents: Believe it or not, parents are the most powerful influence on their kids when it comes to drugs.  Recent research has found that 2 out of 3 kids ages 13-17 say that losing their parents’ respect is one of the main reasons they don’t drink alcohol, smoke marijuana or use other drugs.

So then, as a parent, what can I do use my influence to encourage or promote prevention efforts with my children?  Here are Ten Tips for Parents:

1)     Don’t Be Afraid to be the “Bad” Parent:  Sometimes, our fear of negative reaction from our kids keeps us from doing what is right.  When it comes to alcohol and drugs, taking a tough stand can help our children to say no….“my mom or my dad would kill me if I drank or used.”  Our decisions and our rules allow our child to use us as “the reason” for not using alcohol or drugs.

2)     Connect With Your Child’s Friends:  Pay attention to who your child is hanging out with, who’s coming to the house and get to know them.  Encourage your child’s friends to come to your home, invite them for dinner and make them feel welcomed.  Encourage your child to invite friends over to the house.

3)     Make Connections With Other Parents Too:  As you get to know your kids friends, take the opportunity to introduce yourself to his/her parents.  It’s a great way to build mutual support and share your rules about alcohol and drugs.  And, it will make it easier for you to call if your son/daughter is going to a party at their house to make sure that there will be responsible parental supervision.

4)     Promote Healthy Activities:  Help your kids, and their friends, learn how to have fun, and fight off the dreaded “I’m bored.”  Physical games, activities and exercise are extremely important because of the positive physical and mental benefits.  Encourage kids to become engaged in other school and community activities such as music, sports, arts or a part-time job.  The more your children are active, the less time they have to get caught up in the pressure from peers to drink alcohol and use drugs.

5)     Establish Clear Family Rules About Alcohol and Drugs:  Setting specific, clear rules is the foundation for parental efforts in prevention, some ideas:

• Kids under 21 will not drink alcohol
• Kids will not ride in a car with someone who has been drinking or using drugs
• Older brothers and sisters will not encourage younger kids to drink or use drugs
• Kids under 21 will not host parties at our home without parental supervision
• Kids will not stay at a kid’s party where alcohol or drugs are present.

Consistent enforcement of the rules, with consequences, if needed is essential.  Without consequences the rules have no value and will not work.

6)     Get Educated About Alcohol and Drugs:  You cannot rely on your own personal experiences or common sense to carry you through.  Your ability to provide family leadership in prevention requires you to be better educated.  As a start, visit Learn About Alcohol and Learn About Drugs.  And, as you learn, share what you are learning with your spouse and your kids.

7)     Be a Role Model and Set a Positive Example:  Bottom line…. from a kid’s perspective, what you do is more important than what you say!  Research studies show that parents who drink alcohol or use drugs are more likely to have kids who drink or use.  If you drink alcohol, do so in moderation; if you use medication, use only as directed, and do not use illegal drugs.  If you host a party, always serve alternative non-alcoholic beverages and do not let anyone drink and drive.

8)     Keep Track of Your Child’s Activities:  Asking questions, keeping track, checking in are all important.  Research has found that young people who are not regularly monitored by their parents are four times more likely to use alcohol or drugs.  Make the time to know what is happening in your child’s life – especially in families where both parents work outside of the home, life is busy but you must find time for your children – know what they are up to!

9)     Keep Track of Alcohol and Prescription Drugs:  For kids, the most common source of alcohol and prescription drugs is parents.  Make sure that your home is not a source of alcohol or prescription drugs for your kids or their friends.

10) Get Help!:  If at any point you suspect that your child is having a problem with alcohol and/or drugs (What to Look For), get help.  Don’t wait.  You are not alone.

AS A PARENT, YOU CAN HELP PREVENT YOUR CHILD FROM BECOMING ADDICTED TO ALCOHOL OR DRUGS. 

TAKING ACTION IS PREVENTION

For additional information, Learn About Alcohol, Learn About Drugs or Get Help may be helpful.

Teachable Moments

Our children are surrounded by alcohol and other drug-related messages on a regular and ongoing basis. The good news is, it is possible to turn these high-risk, harmful messages into positive lessons. When such an opportunity presents itself, you are encouraged to take hold and seize the Teachable Moment.

Jelly Belly Candy Company, makers of the world famous jelly beans, recently served up one of these teachable moment opportunities. Aside from their 50 official flavors, they have rookie flavors like Orange and Grape Crush and offer special edition packages featuring characters like Harry Potter, Hello Kitty and Mickey Mouse – which makes sense, as these treats are a favorite among children of all ages.  But recently they expanded their variety of alcohol-flavored beans, which already included flavors like peach bellini, pomegranate cosmo, margarita and mojito. The new flavor? Draft Beer, which the company proudly promotes as the world’s first beer-flavored jelly bean, “with a jewel-like finish for a fresh from the tap ‘bubbly’ look.”

On the surface, alcohol-flavored candy like these, may not seem like a huge deal. But think about it for a minute and realize the unconscious message being sent to our children.

“Alcohol-flavored jelly beans are no big deal if my six-year-old sister is allowed to eat them. My friends think it’s funny to bring beer-flavored candy to school. Plus, I like the taste of these jelly beans. And if this is what alcohol tastes like, then I would probably like it too. They say beer is an acquired taste? Well, I can acquire it a lot earlier now.”

Those of us of a certain age may remember the bubble blowing pipes and candy cigarettes that allowed kids to imitate adult tobacco users. It was realized that such products desensitized children, leading some to become tobacco users later in life, and were removed from stores where children frequent.

Sadly, our children are growing up at a time when pop culture seems to be promoting and encouraging alcohol and other drug use more than ever, which in turn, desensitizes and normalizes these high-risk behaviors. Toys R Us was recently guilty of playing into this when they made the decision to sell Breaking Bad action figures complete with detachable gun, cash and crystal meth. Fortunately, Toys R Us pulled these “toys” from their shelves after a national outcry from parents.

So when you and your child see Draft Beer Jelly Belly jelly beans in the store, or a toy or game that promotes alcohol, tobacco or other drugs, or hear a song on the radio glamorizing use – see it as a prime opportunity to create a much-needed filter for your child and seize that Teachable Moment!

Teachable moments help make unconscious messages conscious; provide an opportunity to reinforce your attitudes, values and expectations; and strengthen your child’s low-risk attitudes and behaviors.

When utilizing a teachable moment, keep these tips in mind:

• Teachable moments work best when kept short and to the point;
• They are not effective in moments of anger or resentment between parent and child;
• The message will need to be revisited and repeated in order to inform, persuade and reinforce;
• Be mindful of your tone and choice of words – how you say it is as important as what you say
• Keep it relevant and timely – take advantage of instances when a topic catches your child’s attention. If you need more info, research and then revisit your chat (but do it sooner than later).

Parents are powerful. You are encouraged to use your parent power to take advantage of alcohol and other drug-related teachable moments. By doing so, you will help your child develop critical communication skills so that he/she becomes more resistant to the power of the unconscious message.

Source: Prevention Research Institute (adapted from): Teachable Moments: A Parent’s Best Friend.

Tough Questions

Teens, Parents and Alcohol: Tough Questions You Need to Answer

Posted: 10/03/2014 5:29 pm EDT Updated: 10/03/2014 6:59 pm EDT

Rolled eyes, sullen silence or even outright denial; these are often the reactions parents encounter when they try to talk with their adolescent children about alcohol. As a pediatrician, I get a lot of tough questions from parents about how to broach this subject with their teens. It can be a difficult situation for parents and one full of awkwardness, but it’s critical for parents to at least start the conversation, as it will open the door for ongoing conversations in the future.

In my experience talking with parents of teens, I am frequently asked the following: Is underage drinking really a problem? Has it changed since I was teenager?

Actually, yes to both. Fewer teens are drinking now than when you were in high school, and that is a good thing. In 2013, 68% of 12th graders drank at least oncecompared to 88% in 1991. But still, a significant number of high school students drink, and many do so with the goal of getting drunk. Binge drinking (drinking at least five drinks in a short amount of time for a male, and four drinks for a female)remains a major problem, both in high school and on college campuses.

What particularly worries parents is the prevalence of extreme binge drinking (drinking 10 or more alcoholic drinks in a single sitting) that has been documented recently; a University of Michigan study published in JAMA Pediatrics reported that 10% of high school seniors admitted to extreme binge drinking. So while the overall numbers have gone down, the volume that teens drink has increased.

Actions speak louder than words. Should I, as a parent, not drink at all to set an example?

Some parents are frank with their children about completely forbidding underage drinking. Others believe that adolescent drinking is a “rite-of-passage” and a normal part of a teen’s experimentation. Some parents may say that they do not want their children to drink at all, yet they may actually imply that it is OK or even facilitate it.

With this in mind, teens are very sensitive to hypocritical behavior. So, parents who tell children not to drink at all and then drink excessively may be sending confusing messages to their kids. Be careful and be aware of the “hypocrite challenge.” It is important to be honest, be a role model and remember that keeping your child safe is of utmost importance.

Deciding whether or not to drink is a personal decision. Just keep in mind that the choices you make can shape your own child’s judgment.

How should I respond when my teenager confides in me about her friends’ experiences with alcohol or other risky behaviors?

Emphasizing safety may be the way to handle this conversation. Your child may be concerned about a friend and how much that friend is drinking. Listen sympathetically and non-judgmentally. Offer your child some strategies to help that friend. If at any point your teen feels that a friend may be in real danger, discuss ways that he or she, perhaps with your help, can notify a trustworthy adult who can take action. Also, remind your teen not to allow herself to be put at risk because of someone else’s bad decisions. For example, your child should never get into a car with a friend who has been drinking.

Some parents say that supervising parties where alcohol is available, but taking the keys away from the teens there, is safer. Is this OK?

Many parents believe their children are going to drink anyway and that it is safer to have children drink in the family home, where they can be supervised by adults. Some parents also mistakenly believe that as long as teens don’t drive, it is OK for them to drink. Unfortunately, accidents and injuries do not always involve a car — other serious consequences of underage drinking include unwanted and unprotected sexual experiences, fighting, falls, property damage and even alcohol poisoning.

And there are the obvious legal ramifications of facilitating the consumption of alcohol by minors. Depending on the laws in your area, you may be civilly or criminally liable if something bad happens when minors are served alcohol on your property.

For more information and resources on how to talk to your teen about alcohol, please visit the Health Alliance on Alcohol website.

Thanks to huffington post for posting this. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-karen-soren/teens-parents-and-alcohol_b_5915364.html

Have more tough questions? Please ask in the comments section!

Family Dinner, Its Worth The Effort

Everything in this microwave era seems to be rush, rush. Too often we choose fast food and skip family meal time together saying, “We just don’t have enough time.” What we may miss is the time we save may be at the expense of family bonding. Family bonding is important because it helps to minimize the risks of our children using alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs.

Each fall, the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASAColumbia) celebrates National Family Day; an initiative created to promote simple acts of parental engagement as key ways to help prevent risky substance use in children and teens. Know!, along with CASAColumbia have long endorsed regular family dinners as a prime opportunity for such parental engagement. However, just in time for National Family Day, a new study has been released that challenges the value of traditional family dinners by asking moms, “Have family meals become more trouble than they’re worth?”

While today it is common to find both moms and dads in the kitchen preparing dinner for their families, statistics show that the task continues to fall primarily on women, so researchers from North Carolina State University examined the stress family meals pose to moms in particular. After interviewing 150 women and spending hundreds of hours observing families of varying cultural backgrounds and social classes, researchers found a pattern of challenges consistently surrounding family meals:

1. Lack of Time: Between work, school and extra-curricular activities, simply
finding a time for the whole family to sit down together is a feat in and of itself.
2. Lack of Money: Many moms feel the pressure to cook made-from-scratch,
fresh, healthy meals (consisting of fruits, vegetables, lean meats and whole
grains) which we hear health experts tout as a necessity for our children’s well-
being and an end to the childhood obesity crisis in our country; yet this study
showed that many families have difficulty affording such foods (eating healthy
reportedly costs an extra $550 per person per year); other moms simply feel
overwhelmed with trying to keep up with such a food plan.
3. Lack of Pleasing Picky Eaters: Then there’s those picky eaters, who refuse the
food mom has just spent the past hour or whole afternoon making.

After taking all this into account, researchers concluded that, “…expectations (surrounding family meals) may cause more harm than good (for moms).”

Supportive Parent respectfully disagrees. Families pressed for time and money cannot be disputed; it is a fact. As for the picky eaters, that’s a tough one too. But what cannot be discounted is the importance of the family meal. Teen surveys conducted by CASAColumbia consistently show that the more often kids eat dinner with their families, the less likely they are to drink, smoke or use other drugs.

The meal does not have to be fancy or include every food group to make a positive impact on your child. While the food is what brings families to the table, the significance of the family meal is something bigger; it’s about parents and children engaging in conversation, making connections and strengthening bonds; it’s about fostering consistent, warm, loving and stable parent/child relationships so that children are more likely to flourish in other areas of healthy adolescent development as well (including initiating positive social interactions with others; responding to situations with empathy; being cooperative with others; exhibiting a higher self-esteem; and making overall healthier lifestyle choices for themselves).

Dinnertime can be stressful and challenging at times, and it is by no means the only opportunity to engage your children in conversation and strengthen family ties. However, sitting across from your children at the kitchen table, sharing a meal while talking with them and actively listening to them (to show you care about what’s happening in their world) is of incredible value and worth – for children and parents.

SOURCES: Sarah Bowen Sinikka Elliott Joslyn Brenton: The Joy of Cooking? 2014 . CASAColumbia: Family Day, 2014 . Today Parents: Farewell Family Meal – Stress of Cooking May Outweigh Benefits, Sept. 2014

Top 8 Reasons why Teens Try Alcohol and Drugs

There is no single reason for teenage drug use and alcohol use. Dr. Neil I. Bernstein In How to Keep Your Teenager Out of Trouble and What to Do if You Can’t, Dr. Neil I. Bernstein details some of the core issues and influences behind teenage drug and alcohol use. It’s important that you, as a parent, understand these reasons and talk to your kids about the dangers of drinking and using drugs.

1. Other People — Teenagers see lots of people using various substances. They see their parents and other adults drinking alcohol, smoking, and, sometimes, abusing other substances. Also, the teen social scene often revolves around drinking and smoking pot. Sometimes friends urge one another to try a drink or smoke something, but it’s just as common for teens to start using a substance because it’s readily available and they see all their friends enjoying it. In their minds, they see drug use as a part of the normal teenage experience.
2. Popular Media — Forty-seven percent of teens agreed that movies and TV shows make drugs seem like an OK thing to do, according to a 2011 study. Not surprisingly, 12- to 17-year-olds who viewed three or more “R” rated movies per month were seven times more likely to smoke cigarettes, six times more likely to use marijuana, and five times more likely to drink alcohol, compared to those who hadn’t watched “R” rated films (Amy Khan 2005).
3. Escape and Self-Medication — When teens are unhappy and can’t find a healthy outlet for their frustration or a trusted confidant, they may turn to chemicals for solace. Depending on what substance they’re using, they may feel blissfully oblivious, wonderfully happy, or energized and confident. The often rough teenage years can take an emotional toll on children, sometimes even causing depression, so when teens are given a chance to take something to make them feel better, many can’t resist.
4. Boredom — Teens who can’t tolerate being alone, have trouble keeping themselves occupied, or crave excitement are prime candidates for substance abuse. Not only do alcohol and marijuana give them something to do, but those substances help fill the internal void they feel. Further, they provide a common ground for interacting with like-minded teens, a way to instantly bond with a group of kids.
5. Rebellion — Different rebellious teens choose different substances to use based on their personalities. Alcohol is the drug of choice for the angry teenager because it frees him to behave aggressively. Methamphetamine, or meth, also encourage aggressive, violent behavior, and can be far more dangerous and potent than alcohol. Marijuana, on the other hand, often seems to reduce aggression and is more of an avoidance drug. LSD and hallucinogens are also escape drugs, often used by young people who feel misunderstood and may long to escape to a more idealistic, kind world. Smoking cigarettes can be a form of rebellion to flaunt their independence and make their parents angry. The reasons for teenage drug-use are as complex as teenagers themselves.
6. Instant Gratification — Drugs and alcohol work quickly. The initial effects feel really good. Teenagers turn to drug use because they see it as a short-term shortcut to happiness.
7. Lack of Confidence — Many shy teenagers who lack confidence report that they’ll do things under the influence of alcohol or drugs that they might not otherwise. This is part of the appeal of drugs and alcohol even for relatively self-confident teens; you have the courage to dance if you’re a bad dancer, or sing at the top of your lungs even if you have a terrible voice, or kiss the girl you’re attracted to. And alcohol and other drugs tend not only to loosen your inhibitions but to alleviate social anxiety. Not only do you have something in common with the other people around you, but there’s the mentality that if you do anything or say anything stupid, everyone will just think you had too many drinks or smoked too much weed.
8. Misinformation — Perhaps the most avoidable cause of substance abuse is inaccurate information about drugs and alcohol. Nearly every teenager has friends who claim to be experts on various recreational substances, and they’re happy to assure her that the risks are minimal. Educate your teenager about drug use, so they get the real facts about the dangers of drug use.

Please note that information from the book has been edited for length.